The mindset shift you need to feel confident negotiating
Who here loves negotiating?
Yeah, ok, that one weirdo standing up and waving enthusiastically, we can see you. We can also see all the people who almost crawled under their chairs at the thought.
Do you think negotiating is all about bullying someone into submission?
Do you think it’s about who can play the dirtiest tricks?
Does the word negotiation conjure up images of high drama; staring contests, fists slamming into tables, threats to flounce from the room and so on?
Do you secretly believe you have to be an ‘alpha’ (lol) to get your way in negotiations?
Negotiating is one of those things that many people mentally put somewhere between “I’d rather not” and “can’t I just have a root canal instead?”. Actually a small shift in mindset and it needn’t be painful at all.
The truth is everyone negotiates. If you have worked out who’s going to do the vacuuming and who will take the rubbish out with your partner or housemates, you have negotiated. If you have told a child they can have a treat as long as they’re quiet until the grown ups finish talking, you have negotiated. If you’ve coordinated with a group of friends about when and where you’re going to meet up and hang out (those were the days!), you’ve negotiated. Everyone negotiates it’s just a questions of how, with whom and over what.
Funnily enough, we’re often happy to negotiate in settings where money doesn’t come into play. but when one of the factors we’re discussing is money, suddenly we realise we’re negotiating and it all feels much more scary somehow. It doesn’t have to be that way.
Negotiating doesn’t have to be a competition, it doesn’t have to be a zero sum game. Often a really good negotiation is less of a fight and more of a collaborative problem solving process. Ideally you’re trying to get to a win-win outcome.
If you struggle to negotiate because the idea frightens you, make a list of the times you had a friendly discussion with someone about what they need and want, versus what you need and want and tried to find a solution that works for everyone. How did it go? What helped you find a good solution? Were there ways you were able to be creative so everyone ended up happy?
This is your successful negotiations list. Take this same mindset you had in these situations into negotiations that involve money. You’ll feel more confident and get better outcomes.
To learn more about negotiating, I recommend Getting to Yes * by Fisher, Ury and Patton, it’s a great book that massively boosted my confidence in negotiating in business settings and elsewhere.
If you’re specifically negotiating a price for your time (as an employee or self-employed) you can listen to this episode of my podcast, Squanderlust, where we talked with start-up mentor, Jasper Lyons about exactly that.
What are your best negotiating tips?
(*Yes, this is an affiliate link. Buying from Bookshop.org helps support independent bookshops and I get a small % of the purchase price.)
Hey freelancers! Your pricing is not about you
Wait what? How is my pricing not about me? I am the one who made the sale. I am the one doing the work. I am the one who needs the money. How is not about me? Read on.
I was reading a Facebook discussion about figuring out pricing as a new freelancer. There were some great resources mentioned, like this Google Sheet for creative freelancers, so they can compare their rates with people with similar experience and skills (including adding their own, so others can benchmark against them).
There were also comments about how pricing links to confidence level and how struggles with confidence can affect your rates. This is absolutely true, the questions that freelancers ask themselves can be painful and undermine their ability to charge appropriately.
Am I qualified enough to charge this much?
Do I have enough experience to charge this much?
Will they think I’m greedy charging this much?
Am I greedy charging this much?
If I charge this much, will my clients think I only care about the money and not about the work?
Do I work hard enough to charge this much?
How many hours do I have to work to charge for a day?
Do I really deserve to charge this much?
Do I really need to charge this much, if I can cover my costs and live on less?
This kind of worry often comes from a place of seeing your prices relating to your effort and your needs. These questions are all about you.
These are the wrong questions. Some better questions are:
What problem(s) will I solve for my clients?
How easy is it for my clients to communicate with me?
How careful am I to ensure I know how to give clients what they really need by listening carefully and asking clarifying questions?
How much money/time/inconvenience/stress will I save my clients?
How much growth will my clients get (income/new customers/brand awareness/whatever) because of my work for them?
Do I demonstrated to my clients that I’ve done this? How?
The good questions are all about your clients, their needs and how well you meet those needs. The more you can answer these questions, the easier it will be to answer the most important question:
How much value am I providing my clients?
Because this is key: you should be paid based on the value of your work to your clients. It’s not about how you feel about your work, how long it took you, how much effort you put in, your past experience or qualifications. It’s about whether you meet your clients needs and what that is worth to them.
Provide a high value service? Charge accordingly.
Answer the good questions and you’ll automatically develop the confidence you need to set the right price.
If you found this useful, you might enjoy this episode of my podcast, Squanderlust, where we talked about valuing your time with start-up mentor Jasper Lyons.
You can also pre-order my book on freelance finances for a special launch price of £8.99.